After last night, I could never be a politician.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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