he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
