So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize