Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
