I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
