the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
