its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
