i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
