Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
