I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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