my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
