apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
