And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Mom said you looked used
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
