Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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