is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
