He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
