eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
