i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
