don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she pinky promised me she was 18
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Success! We fucked roommates!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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