For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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