idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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