I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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