Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I look better un-naked...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
