So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life