The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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