the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
