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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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