You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
