My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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