he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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