Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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