You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
