I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize