The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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