So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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