My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
