My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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