Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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