I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i permit you to call me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
