I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
