I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
