I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
