very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
