i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
