im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
