cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
