Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
