i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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