Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
