so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
