I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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