Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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