Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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