some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
