Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
