Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
