im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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