I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
