Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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