I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
