enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
