it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
