my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize