WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
