He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
