what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
