Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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