thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
