He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
