dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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