he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize