there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
