that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
