he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
