wrigley field is MILF paradise
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
