If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
