So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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