Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
