You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
