somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
