I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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