I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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