last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
