Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
