one might say we're banned from that church
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
