I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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