It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
