I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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