theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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